The question came up recently - just how radical does one need to be to identify as an unschooler. Well, we're pretty radical here at our house.
I was hanging out with three friends who belong to our local unschoolers' group, two of whom do not identify as radical unschoolers (the third friend sat quietly, listening to our conversation). The first friend, who is really an eclectic homeschooler not an unschooler, told of his experiences at an unschooling conference last Fall, sharing that his advice about organized sports upset some of the more radical unschoolers at the conference.
As we talked, the second friend, who unschools as an academic choice, but not a lifestyle (she feels as a single parent she really can't let go of bedtimes, etc) asked how radical those parents from the conference are. The reply was, "more radical than Sylvia." At which point both I and the second friend (who has known me for several years now) explained that I'm pretty radical, and in answer to the other friend's question, yes, my kids stay up as late as they want. They also choose what they eat and when, the clothes they wear, their friends, their schedule, their activities (or lack thereof), whether or not to play a sport, what tv shows they watch, and so on. Apparently, before that clarification the friend in question thought I was a reasonably traditional parent. I thought he knew me better than that!
Both of these friends expressed that radical unschoolers come off like we're telling parents -- newcomers to unschoolers, those curious, and those who don't choose such a radical lifestyle -- that there's only one right way to unschool or even parent. I replied that really, I think most of us feel our way -- whatever it is -- is the most right way. That's the mark of a true believer.
Does that mean it's impossible to mix unschooling and a more mainstream lifestyle? Probably not. What it does mean is that when you try to do anything less than radical unschooling -- holding on to arbitrary rules, or teaching *just English & Math* or requiring bedtimes, limiting choices your children make because you (the parent) *have to* get time alone, sleep, or feel that children don't know what they *really want* or what's *good for them* -- and it doesn't work out as well as you'd hoped, don't blame it on the unschooling. Just maybe, it's the result of limiting, controlling, and generally not trusting your children, or because your choices -- usually made to fit within your comfort level, not your child's -- have upfront eliminated the many possibilities for harmonious life.
8 comments:
Love the last two sentences. Spoken from the heart, you have and thank you.
Well said. I certainly recognize that unschooling looks different in every household, and that there is a spectrum of unschooling which ranges from "educational only" to "whole life." But the question I keep coming back to is this: if you accept the basic unschooling principle that we don't need to teach children so much as allow them to learn, then how do you arbitrarily choose to draw circles around only learning and say "there, you can do what you want to do in that box, but not in these others." When we allow them to learn what they want, how they want, and when they want, but choose to apply that only to academic subjects, we are missing the central pint that learning comes from experiencing things that often have little to do with academics. I have no problem with that, because it's certainly a better alternative for many kids than public schooling. But I do wonder if it's unschooling, or whether it's simply non-curricular.
Hmm, thought provoking post, thank you :)
Julia x
If your eclectic friend is the one I'm thinking of, he should have been upset. I wanted to choke him. He was at an unschooling conference proclaiming that you had to make your kid play sports because that was the only way to learn to work together.
What any person does is their business but if you're going to go to a vegetarian meeting and tell everybody how delicious meat is, ya gotta expect some pushback and you really shouldn't call yourself a vegetarian. It's your choice to eat meat and the (metaphoric)vegetarians aren't demanding that you eat meat they're just telling you what vegetarianism is. If you don't wanna be that way, that's fine. Just don't call yourself a vegetarian.
oh, Frank. I agree, and for the record, this friend doesn't call himself an unschooler.
It's a topic I've been considering a lot lately, as we have new families joining our group, some of whom are new to unschooling, and I don't want any of them to get the wrong ideas about what unschooling involves. Which means I feel the need to point out the differences whenever these conversations occur.
THANK YOU!
Very well stated!!
What Jeff said. He always says everything I'm thinking anyway....and about the pushback thing, that was a big "duh". Sports definitely are not the best (or only) way to learn anything. I'm surprised that the Dad was surprised by the response! ;)
Great post!!
Ren, I don't know if he was surprised. He can be provocative.
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