As a matter of fact, no, I'm not concerned about how my children are doing. That is, if by concerned you mean worried enough to let you plant seeds of doubt in my thought.
I am, however, involved with my children. I spend my days learning with my children, having fun with them, simply enjoying our life together.
I do not spend my time concerned about how they match up with other children you may know or have read about. I'm not concerned with how well they'd do on a test, or whether or not they are 'up to grade level' as compared to students their age in school, either in our local district or even nationwide. I don't feel any particular need to answer to anyone, other than my husband and our children for how we spend our days, our weeks and even our years.
How do we spend our days, you might ask? But likely, if you're one of those expressing your vague concerns (especially if you're expressing them to people other than me, in the hopes they'll be able to convince me where you've failed) you won't. It's been my experience that the people who want to plant seeds of doubt, who want to use their 'concern' as a way to convince us to parent our children in a more mainstream way, seldom bother to ask what we do. Neither do they want to know what our goals are or why we've made the choices we have. They seem more concerned with what we don't do. I understand that. But I'm not swayed by their concern.
Sometimes, I'm willing to speak to other's concerns, to calm their fears if I can. I'll do that once or twice even, but if those 'concerns' become a pattern of interference, I begin to dismiss them, and I'm likely to keep those people out of my children's lives. I am very interested in how my children are doing, in whether or not they are happy, engaged in life, well supported in the pursuit of their passions, if they are joyful or peaceful. I revel in their accomplishments, listen as they tell me about their passions, and often just notice for my own internal checklist of sorts which practical skills (the things they might miss by not being in a classroom) they use routinely.
I also look for signs that they may be struggling, or frustrated, or bored and in need of something new to catch their attention. Really, this is much less arduous than it sounds. I keep track of all this by spending time with them, joining them for their favorite tv shows, watching a youtube video when they ask, asking how Andy how his latest World of Warcraft campaign went, and listening to his answer. I do this by staying for Dan's soccer or baseball practice, by talking to the boys in the car as we run errands or go shopping, by asking them about their plans for the day.
I make sure we have the things they need to have fun, to learn, or to simply enjoy a day -- dry ice, magazines about video games, songs on iTunes accounts. We window shop at Sportsmans' Warehouse, Gamestop, the knife store in the mall. We watch tv news, and trade online links. I know the music they enjoy, which games they play and what things they'd like to buy with the money they are saving up.
I know who their friends are, and what they talked about with my friends (because my kids tell me, not that my friends tell me), because they are as likely to talk with the other adults in our social circle as they are with friends their own age.
We read newspapers, talk about elections, candidates, politics and what's happening in the world around us. They ask me about my opinion on a topic, about what I liked or did for fun when I was their age. They share with me what they think, what they believe and how they arrived at those opinions and beliefs. And I learn so much from those conversations. For example, I had no idea who Schrodinger's cat was, and the link to quantum physics, until Andy cited that in explaining his own beliefs about God. He'd heard it mentioned on a tv show, was intrigued by the reference and read up on it. Then he applied the principle to his own questions.
Taking in all this information about my children and their day to day lives, I get a good sense of what kinds of things they might enjoy, so I know what sorts of other things they might enjoy and what things might contrast with their understanding of something and might spark interest in new areas. I share cool things I come across with them, just as I share cool things I see with Gary. Some of the things I share they snap right up and enjoy, others sit for a while until someone notices and runs with them or lays them aside for attention later, or maybe never.
As the days go by, we all weave a life together. Passions come and go, interests peak and wane, joy is found in unexpected places and small -- or large -- moments shine brightly. In the midst of all this joy and calm and peace and the bright moments, which add up into bright, joyful hours and days, we come to know more about each other. We learn together, and I am continually amazed by how much my children are learning and growing day by day, by how much we all grow together.
The learning we manage to pack into a day can sometimes be hard to define, but when looked at big picture, I can honestly say I'm not concerned. I am convinced that this life we've crafted for ourselves, that we continue to define as we go along together provides for our children all they need to be happy, joyful, peaceful, interesting people. And that's all that matters to me!
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