Better than Peace

For years, practically my whole life, I've wrestled with the idea of peace. It sounds like a perfectly good word and ideal. Doesn't it? And yet, for me, peace and peacefulness have always been disappointing concepts. I've found a better, more useful concept than peace, a joyful goal even. I'll get to that later. 

Peace, tho, is the starting point of today's musings. Peace was my goal for years. It's held up by people as a noble goal. World Peace we're told is lofty - and then we're told why it's unachievable. Peacefulness in relationships, families, between parents and neighbors and relatives is laudable, especially when peace is reached between two entities who were previously being unkind, or even hurtful, toward each other.

But is peace always a laudable goal? That has not been my experience. My entire childhood, all I ever wanted was peace, but peace came at a terrible price. Having peace meant I had no boundaries, that I promised people things that could only be accomplished by giving every moment I had, leaving me nothing for myself. Peace meant sacrificing privacy, silencing my own voice, ignoring my own needs. Once people learned I'd give anything -- really, anything -- for peace, I was taken advantage of, lied to, and given false hope of peace. I chased peace, I begged for peace, I plotted for peace. How could I make peace happen? How much more of myself could I give to others in pursuit of peace? I mean, if peace was the magic answer, someday I'd reach that goal and get some calm and space. Right? I just needed to keep trying, keep trading away bits of myself, keep working harder.

I began to suspect I'd been sold a bill of goods no one could deliver. Peace is a lie. Peace is expensive beyond its worth. Peace costs joy, justice, and personal comfort. Sometimes peace even seems to demand one's soul and well-being. Peace is a thief. Peace is a tool used by those who would control others with threats and terror and lies. Peace is an empty promise, used to convince others to do your bidding. All of those statements were my truth, my experience of what peace meant and what peace cost.

I began to see that peace, as a goal, requires an amount of privilege and power that always eluded me. Proposing peace, if only I could give up one thing, and one more thing, accommodate one more discomfort, defer one more need, was my undoing. Peace doesn't guarantee justice or fairness, or even that everyone's needs will be met. Peace simply promises a cessation of violence, a hope that maybe others will stop violating one's boundaries, health, and very soul. 

So, you see peace as a goal, especially when sold to me by people who didn't struggle as I did (as I do) often angered me, saddened me, and almost always reaching what looked like peace to others didn't bring me any inner peace. Peace always brought with it sadness and pain and a deep sense of lonely otherness that broke my heart.

Today, tho, I saw a post on facebook that so completely spoke to me. It was an epiphany for me -- peace isn't the lofty goal I'd always been led to believe! Peace is simply a cessation of violence; an absence of evil. Peace really isn't want I want for my life -- the price is too high. Peace doesn't necessarily give us joy or even meet our needs. The best peace can be is safer than conflict. Really, peace is a pretty low bar for my life. 

Anyway, on to the better, higher goal than peace, to my new goal and the word I'll be using in place of peace from now on -- harmony. Isn't that a lovely word? It feels good in my mouth, brings a smile to my face, and so much comfort to my heart.

Sure, harmony comes at a cost, too. Harmony requires that some compromises be made -- in timing and priority and patience. Harmony, tho, also means everyone's voice is heard, everyone's needs are considered and prioritized as a goal to be met. Harmony calls for everyone to work, play, laugh, cry, wait, and show up together. Harmony, when reached -- and that's a process, not a unilateral "shut up and be peaceful now" -- is so much better, stronger, and more joyous than peace.