I'm deep in another rant, so it must be time for another blog post! Where to begin.....
What is the compulsion people, especially adults talking to teens, have to rain on parades?
A late-teenage kid says to an adult "Hey, I'm looking into this trade course program maybe, thinking I might like to do X with my life for a while." Then he shares some ideas bigger than he can't do right away, but very cool stuff he could do some day. Or maybe he'll try some classes, get out into the world, and find other cool stuff to do someday. Mostly, it's just the excitement and possibilities he shares. His own personal parade, to which he's invited someone he hopes might be excited for him.
The adult, I assume with the intent of, I don't know, enlightening the kid (I'm trying to assume positive intent here) says something like, "Wait, once upon a time ago, you quit a similar activity you tried."
Kid, who until this moment was excited about his plans, and now is wondering why the hell he said anything, and replies with something like "yeah, I didn't like that particular thing then, I think it was the instructions or something."
Adult says "well, when you go to school and learn to do X, you'll have to follow directions..... It's hard to find a job you know, and you'll have to study it for a few years, before it gets any fun...." and so on and so forth. Way to suck all the joy out of a room. Gee, thanks.
You see, my almost-18 yo kid had pretty much that conversation recently with the parent of a friend. Then he related it to me, and I could. just. SCREAM.
I mean, really, a kid tells you what his current plans and hopes are, and you say things like "well, it's hard, and no fun, and you'll have to work really hard." What the what??
First, my kid knows sometimes things are hard. This is the same kid who devoted HUNDREDS of hours to advancing his favorite characters in World of Warcraft and other online or video games. It was hard work, lots of disappointment, doing things he didn't like, getting his virtual butt kicked over and over. Along the way, he learned persistence, made friends, learned how the world of that game worked, did favors for others, took on responsibility for game duties, learned to mediate arguments between friends and fellow players, made I don't know how many re-starts, and still he's always willing to go through all that again, just to help a friend reach his or her own goals in the game. But, sure, discount all that because it happened in a video game, and was 'just for fun'.
He also makes some stunningly amazing original creations using Legos and Bionicles. After he meticulously follows all the instructions to build the set, he tears it all apart, and just as meticulously, using models he sees in his head, in beautiful detailed symmetry, creates the most amazing models. Again, hours and hours of detailed work, driven by a picture in his mind. This kid works hard and pays great attention to detail.
Second -- or maybe first, I don't which offended me or my kid more deeply -- my kid is not an idiot, nor is he lazy, and for the record, he is unbelievably self-disciplined. He sets goals, makes his own schedule, and he gets stuff done. He's also helpful, kind, and never rains on anyone else's parade. You will not find find ANYWHERE a more helpful, patient, tenacious helper in anything you set out to do than to ask my kid to help you.
But really, why do adults feel the need to patronize kids, to point out the flaws and hard parts of their dreams, or even just their tentative steps into new adventures? Do they think kids are clueless about how life works? Do they really think it's encouraging to have your plans met only with reminders that you're young, naive, and inexperienced? Do they imagine it's helpful to only offer up discouragement and doubt?
Or maybe they just forgot what it's like to have a whole life ahead of you, a wide-open world, one you know is mostly equal parts hard and easy, mean and kind, scary and comfortable?
Instead, can we offer encouragement, excitement, enthusiasm?
Lucky for us, my kid has one amazing adult friend who offers that perfect mix of encouragement, excitement, and enthusiasm - and he stays true to the fact that sometimes things are harder than they look, by sharing his own stories. As a bonus, he brings all sorts of awesomeness into my family's life, and reminds my kid regularly just how awesome he is. My kid also has friends, both adult and teenaged, who share his excitement in the world.
I have to say, tho, the parade-pissers make it hard.
