The other day, I posted a status update on Facebook, about feeling overwhelmed that our kids desires always seem to outpace our income. I received plenty of sympathetic replies, but one in particular made me think.
Ginger Sabo said, "I feel this, too. Hugs. I'm still looking for the magic wand. I thought for sure I'd find it when I started packing everything."
I'm beginning to see we do have a magic wand of sorts -- time with our kids, really BEing with them. Dan's been needy lately, wanting to know where I am at all times, how long I'll be gone if I go out. Once I am out, he's calling pretty frequently, or he sends texts that simply read "Mom".
This has been a hectic season for me. I'll admit that first, I felt put upon, and found myself thinking "what does he want NOW?" I'm so grateful I didn't say that, tho. Instead, I reminded myself that when a child who is otherwise very capable of being away from Mom seems to need more, it means just that he needs more. He doesn't need to be told how big he is, or that he should be able to do it for himself. When a child, no matter how old he is (even not a child anymore) says he needs his Mama, he needs his Mama.
So, I've smiled and asked what I can do for him. I've stopped what I was doing to snuggle with him, because really is anything more important than my child's need for a hug and a smile? "Yes, I'll be happy to get your a glass of iced tea! Would you like something to go with that?" And five minutes later when he decides he would now like something to go with that, I take care of it and smile at him again. I've been at this thing for a while now, and I know that what works for our family is to give them what they need. And how cool is it that when he has a need, Dan trusts he can bring it to me and I'll help him out?
Yesterday, he was my almost constant companion. We stopped by the Nature Center to sign him up for a class this evening. Looking at the schedule he saw several classes he'd like to try out. This is a first for Dan, who has really blossomed this year. We stopped at the co-op market and chose some vegetables and fruits for the new (to us) juicer. Dan chose limes to make limeade when we get home.
We drove to Los Lunas (about 30 miles away) to pick up a juicer someone is loaning me. We talked and sang together on the drive there. Dan spotted the building that burned down last week, and we talked about a fire we'd seen on the news the night before (it's fire season here). I pointed out which mountains we could see from there, and that we could still see our mountain, but it was farther away than I like. We had a nice time with my friend, trying the juicer, got some pecans and began our drive home.
Dan was hungry, so we hit the McDonald's for a cheeseburger with pickle. Three blocks later he was still hungry, so we hit Wendy's for another cheeseburger, and this time I specified pickles, since the first one had only one pickle. He ate both in short order, and was a very happy boy, talking about which was better and marveling that both came on warm buns, which he says never happens at other fast food places.
We arrived home to a beautifully clean kitchen and dining room! Will does this for me every so often, when I'm too busy to keep up with the general clutter. This is the same young man who as a young child and teenager didn't clean the kitchen. Now, as an adult, he's amazingly sweet and helpful. More gracious and generous than I was with him at times, because when he was young, I was single Mom, working full-time, and often impatient, without the tools -- the magic wand -- I have today. More proof that I am indeed loved!
Once we got home, I made juice -- six times, in different combination for Andy & Dan, washing the juicer and all its parts each time. We all enjoyed the excitement of a new gadget, exploring all it will do.
I remembered I had forgotten one errand in town. Dan again wanted to come along. When we got to our stop, there had been an accident. Fire trucks and emergency responders in the intersection. A wrecked SUV on its side against a building. Dan was fascinated. We parked in the empty parking lot nearby and watched for a while, talking about how the accident might have happened. How did the SUV get over on its side? Talked about centers of gravity, momentum, how tippy taller vehicles can be. We hoped no one was hurt badly.
Driving a few blocks later, we saw a huge old cottonwood tree that had been felled - twisted and thrown across the side street -- by the wind the previous night. Dan commented how lucky the tree hadn't fallen on any cars, or the busier street we were driving down. We talked about so many things on our way home. Dan's always been such a quiet boy, but now he has so much to say, to share. I love being invited to hear what's going on in his thoughts.
Once we were back home, Dan described the accident scene to Gary, who talked more about how the SUV could have gotten on its side. I made juice, and washed the juicer parts; made more juice, and washed it again (six times in all!). Dan just hung out and talked with us, about his plans for today, what we'd seen, whether or not he wanted to wait for a 3DS or buy a DSi when we can, and we assured him we'll keep his request in mind as we look at expenses over the coming weeks.
Sure, Dan still wants a DSi, and we're still brainstorming ways to get it. But when I stopped for a moment to really look at Dan, really feel who he is, his need for connection, that was, IS, my magic wand.
Thanks, Ginger for helping me put the feelings swirling around in my head and heart into words!
